Ill have a go if I have time... maybe Ill base it on heatseeker...

heres my 1000 word story (with a few big intelligent words)

one day i went to get an ice cream and upon discovering the van,i realised it was just a facard for an international terrorist group.their rocket lollys were genuinely dangerous and they used subliminal messages in the nursery rhymes which sonically dispersed from the cassette player to recruit kids.as they made me a 911 flake,i noticed the timer was ticking with haste and the freezers were overwhemingly filled with ice pops loaded with explosive liquid chemicals.i swiftly ran away to safety just before the van exploded with atomical force.
due to the amount of ice cream,the street became awash in a whipped cream coated debris,thankfully no major harm was done.
i couldnt believe what the world was coming to.

i continued on my quest to the park and met a sophisticated boglin named Bodwin and together,we had a rigorous nerf battle,it was an inpromptue challenge that left me staggering before i was out on a whim and ended up crashing and burning in an agonising blaze of glory. just across the park my retinas messaged my cerebral cortex that there was a suspiciously,seductive brash couple canoodling in a canoe.the water rippled as the boat sailed softly on the colossal liquid filled hole. it was romantic yet crude and through the power of telekinesis i abruptly capsised thier vessel and their moment of passion turned into shock and despair as they became fully submerged as one with the water,thier lungs exasperated as their oxygen levels plummet.the screams for help fail to reach the surface and are merely captured as a few delicately bursting bubbles on the surface.
satisfied with my deed,Bodwin and i decided to have our own romance among the perfume scented rose garden,it was bliss and bodwin was extremely affectionate,caressing my bellend so considerately,there was a multitude of perplexed onlookers of which were intrigued by our behaviour.thats was just a turn on until the bemused park ranger saw us,then we had to scarper as we were requested to vacate the premises.due to Bodwin being a boglin there was no way of keeping up with my human running speed and so reluctantly i had to leave Bodwin behind to get caught.

my life was never the same until i stumbled across Gogo the goop frisbee,who had been abandoned on the pavement on the outskirts of the park.gogo shimmered subtly in the rainbow coloured oil puddle.i was once again happy and we became enraptured as we ventured towards the supermarket.
on our way there a peasant baglady was indulging in discarded scraps from a rusty bin outside the magnificent mcdonalds.
as i entered the toilets for a quick urinal secretion,a man was gently resting his face on the filthy,stagnant wall above the piss trough.it was a mind boggling obsurdity.after fanning my hands dry from momentarily having them awash with soap and h20,i made a swift exit and proceeded with gogo to the supermarket.

the supermarket was a mecca of consumerism,of which i have to admit i was under its opressive spell of hypnosis.the high frequency checkout beeps,old biddy conversations fused with the clanking rumble of trolleys,topped off with the addition of tannoy announcements,seemed to create and instill a tone of ambience to the atmospheric environment.
i took gogo up the aisle and then up the aisle if you can decipher what i mean.it was fun and euphoric and so was the time with gogo.
upon manouvering my metal basket 500 on wheels around a curving corner,i nearly ran into a toddler who was attached to a stupid lead.i told the parent how fucking retarded they were to keep thier kid on a lead.only canines should be on leads.i do not want to see kids in muzzles too in the near future. i know leads potentially stop the kid being kidnapped by rapists like myself and Jamie but it also stops the kid having any freedom as a child and enforces submissive behaviour.then on second thoughts i assessed just how much of a turn on a kid on a lead would be to Jamie.
if the toddler has the freedom to walk around then he could hav avoided having my trolley decimating his frail cranium.
i idnt feel any guilt,its the parents fault that their once sane offspring now has mild brain damage.
unphased by the situation,i carried on with the shopping as normal.as the permeating stench of the fish counter enticed me over to see what odour my nasal passage was percepting.in the end it turned out to be the female worker,she had sensible spectacles and a mutated conk,to complete the look she had some nicotine stained yellowy-black teeth.i thought id give it a miss all the same and promtly rerouted myself over the the meat counter.
it was a delicatessen unlike anything i had ever seen,trays consisted of clitoris's,dick sausage,tit steak,arse burger,biffins bridge beef and bacon attachments.
again i avoided this area and tried(im an attempt to salvage my experience) the cheese counter instead.again it was in vain and a feeble choice of dairy was on offer,for example:smegma,helmet edam,congealed swiss pussy juice and finally cheese-banjo-strings.it stank worse than an unwashed septic prostate boil.
i gave up on the counter services in general and decided that frozen,microwavable ready meals were the way to go.i maximised the volume of my trolley to fill its mass limitations and was ready to transact my cash at the checkout.after filling my plastic holdall satchells with an abundance of consumables and drinkables i paid with my preferred currency of football stickers and even used 2 shinys to obtain bonus points.i left with a below average overview of the place.i was contemplating calling trading standards but didnt bother because i needed to get my food in the freezer,before it became scientifically liquidized.it was time to call it a day and so briskly made my way back home after an insightful,abnormal rather eventful day.en route to my home i had time to think and reflect upon my varying actions.by the way,if you wondered what became of Gogo the frisbee...well,you know...i had to give Gogo the chuck haha.the end.thank you

Your mind, Rik: Wow...

STD_Caps wrote:Your mind, Rik: Wow...

ta,i'll take that as a compliment

Excellent story Rik, nice one!

Hahaha! That was bizarre! Kind of like a David Lynch film!

i'm not sure what to make of all this, it just happened so fast. it definitely entered the realms of psychedelia and child pornography...

That was a bit of a rollercoaster...makes great reading!

Well this was super successful.

Should have posted yours then you fucking tart.

I'm doing one! Need mo' time.

Dian Wei wrote:Should have posted yours then you fucking tart.

I offered to you antediluvian troglodyte, but I got shot down!

James wrote:

Dian Wei wrote:Should have posted yours then you fucking tart.

I offered to you antediluvian troglodyte, but I got shot down!

James, you know we couldn't submit it, for the over use of the words "queer", "homo" and "bender". it was quite racist as well i seem to remember... you're not allowed to use the term "darkie" any more, its really out of order!

Sir Ashbey slays the Fuzzie Wuzzies again?!

I thought you'd progressed.

My short story..
Last week I bought new furniture from a website and I am quite satisfied with the results. The variety of proposals is great and I can recommend anyone to visit the page and buy the things that he likes...