http://www.eduplace.com/tales/

Ive been having some fun with this! Post your stories here, they are splendid!

Every spring, Geoff Leonard High puts on a school play. This year's play was called “The Great dildo,” and it was a comedy. All the students worked hard to make the play a show that had everyone spunking. In fact, the play was such a success, the school had to add six hundred more nights to the play's schedule.

Martin Crawford and Anthony Worrell-Thompson starred in this year's play. Everyone agreed that they did terrifying work. No one could forget the scene in which Martin Crawford tells Anthony Worrell-Thompson that the great dildo was missing. The audience laughed quickly for a billion minutes!

Frosty The Snowman helped students paint a picture of a giant dildo for the show's backdrop. The day after the first show, many people were talking about how twatty the backdrop of the giant dildo was. Frosty The Snowman said it was the most beautiful dildo that had ever been painted on a backdrop.

Teachers and students had such a good time working on this year's play that they are already working on next year's show, which is going to be about a very fast Fromage Frais!

WAGAGHAHHSDAHHASS

Paul, that is bloody fantastic!

Textbook comedy.

i prefer mine:

Up Close and Personal

Welcome to The levi mcglinchley Show! Tonight levi mcglinchley will be interviewing michael jackson.

levi mcglinchley: And here's my first guest now. Glad you could join us tonight, michael jackson. Having you on the show makes me feel sexual!

michael jackson: It makes me feel sexual, too, levi mcglinchley! It's exciting of you to invite me.

levi mcglinchley: There's been a lot of tearful talk about your trip to uganda with Mrs. Bolton. In fact, in today's daily mail, benjamin william richard howell wrote a column about your trip.

michael jackson: I read it, but that reporter made up the whole story. Mrs. Bolton and I have never even been to uganda. In fact, we haven't been out of bradford for 37 years.

levi mcglinchley: Sounds like you were framed.

michael jackson: That's right. What else would you like to know?

levi mcglinchley: Is it true that you own more than 26 faberge eggs?

michael jackson: I do own faberge eggs, but only two.

levi mcglinchley: Well folks, we're out of time. Thanks, michael jackson. I really enjoyed spooning with you!

michael jackson: I enjoyed spooning with you, too!

Oooh this is war.

Paul's is funnier....

pipe down

Paul and Sam had a sleepover at Paul's house last weekend. Both had a lot of fun. The girls played a lot of games, but their favorite one was “Cowgirl,” since they both like riding horses so much. They pretended they were cowgirls in the Old West.

They changed their names to Buckaroo Paul and Cowpoke Sam, with their trusty horses, Jobless berk and Hairy male fanny. They ran around the house, herding swan shaped chairs instead of cattle, yelling “Get along little doggies!” They practiced their roping skills, using belts and chasing the pigeon around the house. Luckily, the pigeon was too smart for them and hid under the couch!

Their favorite activity was singing cowgirl songs that they mostly made up as they went along, which is why they don't rhyme.

“Get along little silver backed gorilla ,
you move way too forcefully .
We have to get to Longstanton in the north of Idaho!
We have 800 head of barking toad
to move way out West,
but you're moving too slow,
you are such a pest!”

They decided to have more sleepovers and to practice their cowgirl skills, especially their cowgirl song-writing!

Ha ha! I don't think I did mine quite right!

( Michelle - Necrotism, Kayleigh - CrimsonEnvy, ha ha! )

...Heeere we go!



One day my Uncle Faraz and my Aunt Michelle said they would take me and my sister Kayleigh on a trip to North London.

“You will love North London,” said Aunt Michelle. “It is famous for its wild Zebra, its Black flowers, and its beautiful exhillerating hills.”

“I hope you packed plenty of 3 piece variety meal for the ride,” said Uncle Faraz. “It will probably take us 13 hours.”

So we all piled into Uncle Faraz and Aunt Michelle's Volkswagen Passat. At first the trip was really enormous. We sang “7 Bottles of Ammareto on the Wall.” Then we counted the glasses that we saw exasperating in the fields by the side of the road. But after 9 hours we had eaten all the 3 piece variety meal and Kayleigh was getting extravagent.

“Are we almost there?” she asked greatly.

“Yes, hotpants,” said Aunt Michelle.

Just then I saw a sign that said, “London: 2 miles.”

“Umm, Uncle Faraz, is London on the way to North London?” I asked.

“Yeah,” said Kayleigh, pointing, “and is Statue ' cock le faraz' on the way to North London?”

“.....good lord, kids,” laughed Uncle Faraz. “You can trust the expert.”

“One thing's for sure,” I muttered. “I don't think we're in Southgate any more.”

get ready for a twistedly beautiful story from the mind of yours truly.

one day i was walking down the road when a retarded boy named percy offered me sweets to touch him in his pants.unfortunately due to being in a rush i couldnt oblige him so instead quickly used my initiative to grab sammy the toddler who was playing further down the road on his shiny new bigwheel(a black persons version of a tricycle).i said to sammy "see the nice man with withered hands,a spacko haircut and dribble coming from his mouth,he has some sweeties for you". so sammy ran up to him and i just carried on walking knowing id done my good deed for the day.everyone was happy:sammy got his sweets and percy got his handjob or was it a blowjob(coz after all,among his sweet selection,percy did offer me a purple lolly)anyway,i didnt bother watching coz like i said,i had to be somewhere.
so i carried on up the road and out the corner of my eye saw an upstairs light come on with some rather fantastic titties pressing againt the window.although i was in a rush i couldnt help but investigate.so i knocked the door and to my surprise it was Moira stewart the golliwog lookalike news reporter.
she was in a silky dressing gown and wanted me to give her some mandingo fun.as she ripened like a fine wine and still looks the same from back in the day i was more than delighted that this occasion had presented itself.we went to her bedroom and to my astonishment there was no bed,just a news desk so i bent her over it while she talked dirty about current affairs,and according to her i was literally her most current affair(compulsory badoom tsch pun)
oddly,there were a lot of cameras scattered around her room,oh well.
once i busted my nut all in her badass afro,i had to get a move on coz like i said before i was in a rush.
so i carried on down the road again then out of nowhere came johnny allen form eastenders but instead of threatening me like a cockney,eastend 'ardnut gangster type he just waffled on about insurance so i put my mp3 player back on and ignored him.
i then nipped to the shop to buy some garbage pail kids stickers and a boglin before proceeding to the go kart garage.i hired a go kart at a rate of 70 rupees for 30mins which was a bargain coz i was in a rush.only problem was that my go kart had no engine and was made from 2 enormous wheelchair wheels at the front and 2 tesco trolly wheels at the back.the chair was from an old roller coaster ride and the steering wheel was frozen pizza welded to a walking stick.so i eventually got it going with a few well placed hi octane farts which propelled me along nicely.a taxi driver took the piss out of me so i shot him with a red koopa shell.thatl teach him.his taxi was a write off but it didnt matter coz he was wearing a turban and naturally had a magic carpet in the boot as a back up vehicle.when i finally ran out of farts i got out and jogged the rest of the way as i was in a major rush.
i had finally made it to where i needed to be at last i had reached my destination which was a sight to behold.it was none other than the one and only mosh pit thrash porn orgy.
i had an awesome time there with the lovely boys and girls.it was a sexual free for all.shame some people were intent on moshing instead of shagging.there was blood,beer and spunky cum absolutely everywhere.the bands didnt play very long due to distractions.but who cares what band is on when you got 3vampire chicks pleasuring you.
it was the best gig ever.
all good things come to an end though,and i had to make my way home.on the way back,i walked down the road and percy the retard was still abusing sammy without sammy even realizing.i shouted "how dare you,thats disgusting....its way past your bedtime sammy(see what i did there)you can finish the purple lolly tomorrow".he ran home really upset but only coz he was enjoying the taste of the lolly so much.whereas percy the retard ran home rather happy because he knew he could use the same sweetie trick in future.
i went home and started to plot how i was gonna kill the retard for being a paedo and also how i was gonna kill the toddler incase he ever blamed me in future(when hes old enough to realise it wasnt a lolly)for telling him to go get sweets in the first place.
i planned all this whilst sitting on the toilet wanking out my 3rd load of the day whilst reflecting on the gig and moira stewart and how i tricked a toddler into giving a retard a blowjob.
as i was on the way to bed my stomach turned,not coz of the crazy events but coz i ate doughnuts and drank bleach during the sexfest so i ran back to the bathroom but didnt make it to the bog in time so had to just vomit in the bathtub.after spewing for 5mins i showered all the puke down the plughole and then scooped out the bigger chunks which wouldnt go down and flicked them into the still cumsmelling toilet.after flushing the chain,i then went to bed.

THE END

...I take it you didn't click the link rik!!! Hahah!!

Dream Dates

All kids worry about their first school dance. Will I look gant? Will my friends be there? Will I dance with someone I like? Will I dance with someone I don't like?

Well, here at “Steve's Dream Dates,” we make sure that one of these questions is answered: You WILL dance with someone you like. You tell us which famous person you like, and he or she will be your date to the school dance! It's just that easy!

We use the hookertron 800 to replicate that famous person, complete with any personality enhancements you request. Does Ol Drake do something lovely you don't like? Well, in your replicated version, not anymore! He or she is just what you always imagined! Each famous person is guaranteed to be a perfect lady or gentleman and to have you home 800 minutes before curfew. Call us today!

zykloned wrote:...I take it you didn't click the link rik!!! Hahah!!

nah,story making the Rik way had more appeal to me.

also the only true bits were that i have puked into the bathtub on numerous occasions.as our bathroom is through the kitchen so if im in bed upstairs and feel sick its one hell of a dash.or if someone hasnt flushed after a piss then i cant bare to be sick in the loo as it makes the experience worse so i kneel over the bath.also with the tub theres no worries of missing/accidentally spraying the wall and floor.
also i have done it with moira stewart.apart from these things all the rest is made up.
oh and i "might" have had the odd bishop assault while on the loo.NEVER before/during/after dumping though as thatd just be plain disgusting

That was one of the most harrowing reads ever!!!