"You're not looking at the whole pie Jennie"

"I'm performing as I want me to perform. You're not performing as I want you to perform."
"I'm performing as I want me to perform."
"I don't want you to perform that way."
"It's a good performance! Let's agree to disagree."
"No, let's agree that you agree with me."

"Ooh... you're hard. Showing off..."

And one more for this morning, why not...

"Seeya later. Wish us luck on our date. Hahaha... It's not a date is it. She's got a boyfriend. And I'm paying her. What sort of date would that be? I think you know. And a hundred quid, what would I get for that? Not that I would because you wouldn't I mean, but... Everything I imagine - I'm not imagining any of it. But I do know what sort of - I'm just - okay then, there we go, I'm just... oh, carry that, that's what you're being paid for."

What?

What are you laughing at?

Who says famine has to be depressing?

"on a serious note, we are collecting for people who are starving to death...so..."

Give generously, the money collected is for both dances, both excellent dances. Mine was IMPROMPTU, but I don't think you should get extra points for that, make your own minds up, I'm Collecting for charity!

"I'VE GOTTA SAVE SOME AFRICANS!"

"How much did it cost?"
"Roughly 42 thousand pounds"

"What's that?"
"It's a dildo."
"Is it yours?"
"No!"
"No. Well.. I don't know... Sorry, I, let's... This is an example of problems, let's have a look."

Don't... make me redundant.

MartinC wrote:Don't... make me redundant.

That bit genuinely makes me really sad. The way you can hear in his voice he's trying to stop himself from crying, it's madness, what an amazing actor Ricky Gervais is!

Although funnily enough, the reason women wear necklaces is to draw attention to their breasts.

Well, not a trick is it, knowledge?

Duck pate...