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I'd love to meet this guy!

Postby Styxx on Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:52 pm

My mum just sent me this in an email:


This letter was recently sent by Tesco’s Head Office to a customer in Oxford:
Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified
by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s trolleys when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3” in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
The “Mission Impossible” theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the “Madonna look” using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled

“PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”
13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed “NO! NO! It’s those voices again.”

And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here.”


Yours sincerely,



Charles Brown
Store Manager
I'm going to
Tear your fuckin' eyes out,
Rip your fuckin' flesh off,
Beat you 'till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass,
Fuck you and your progress,
Watch me fucking regress,
You were made to take the fall,
Now you're nothing!!
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Re: I'd love to meet this guy!

Postby boovidge on Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:57 pm

Styxx wrote:13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed “NO! NO! It’s those voices again.”



:lol:
Metal Iain wrote:This board has nothing to do with the 'scene'. It's more just about 10 or so pricks who used to like Thrash that, for one reason or another, waste a lot of time posting on here.


Image
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Postby sekhmet on Fri Feb 02, 2007 3:33 pm

Aaaaahahahaha thats amazing, great to see there's still people out there with a sense of humour :-D
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Postby keith_amok on Fri Feb 02, 2007 3:38 pm

:lol: thats pretty funny!
Come to the THRASH ISLAND!!!!!!!!

SCOTTISH THRASH METAL - http://www.facebook.com/#!/amokscotland
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Re: I'd love to meet this guy!

Postby Bangover on Fri Feb 02, 2007 4:26 pm

Styxx wrote:My mum just sent me this in an email:
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.



:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby thrash metal maniac on Fri Feb 02, 2007 4:48 pm

That guy sounds awesome!!!!! :lol: :lol:
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Postby Hostile on Fri Feb 02, 2007 7:47 pm

This is an old circular. When I first read it, it was from Wal-Mart.
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Postby Styxx on Fri Feb 02, 2007 8:16 pm

Ah, that's such a shame! Banbury's pretty close to home for me, I could have gone in and done some of them :D Yeah, number three needs to be tried at some point!
I'm going to
Tear your fuckin' eyes out,
Rip your fuckin' flesh off,
Beat you 'till you're just a fucking lifeless carcass,
Fuck you and your progress,
Watch me fucking regress,
You were made to take the fall,
Now you're nothing!!
Styxx
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Posts: 1250
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:31 am
Location: Huddersfield

Postby ThrashMetalLuci on Wed Feb 07, 2007 8:43 am

ahahaha some of those are classic! :lol:
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