There have been a few RIP threads recently so how about telling us all some funny stories to cheer the place up? Did your buddies poo on an old lady, did you whip a piss bottle at a band? Come on, pray tell!

New Years Party:

Once on new years eve my parents went out to celebrate leaving me with the words "Don't have a party" ringing in my ears. Anyway we organized a huge party and loads of friends, randoms and weirdos turned up to help ring in the new year.

The party was swinging and everyone was having a rad time, sex drugs and rock 'n roll, the lot. Anyway I came across my friend Ginger Keiran (so called due to him being ginger and his name being Keiran) having a drinking contest with some dude I had never seen before.
Anyway Keiran is this huge Irish guy who drinks like a fish and has awesome powers (he can swallow coins and then hack them back up again and can also down anything by opening his throat) and was whipping this poor dude who could down one can in the time it took Keiran to down two.

They were raging on with their contest and I started speaking to the random dude's friend who told me that they had already annihilated a liter of vodka between them before getting to mine. They were now on their firth can of beer that was being downed in seconds by Keiran.

Anyway the party raged on and ages later I needed a piss but was confused to see a big crowd standing around the bog laughing and pointing at something...

The random dude who had foolishly challenged Keiran to the contest was lying in a a pool of his own sick, his trousers and panties round his ankles and he had obviously been trying to take a dump as there was the evidence to support this claim. He was carried outside and his buddies cleaned up the sick and poop and called an ambulance cos this guy was passed out and looked like he was dying.

Eventually when he was finally taken out into the freezing cold he was lying in the street, in his own sick again (but this time mercifully with his trousers on) when the ambulance came to pick him up JUST AS MY PARENTS PULLED UP IN THE CAR. The fucked guy was spitting and cursing at the ambulance people, it was the most fucked scene you could imagine.

Anyway, everyone left shortly after and my buddies stayed to help clean up. The moral of the story? Don't have a drinking contest with Irish booze freaks!

Me and my friends went on holiday to Slovakia last September. We stayed there for a week and it was largely just fit girls and really cheap beer (60p per pint). Basically the place dreams are made of.

Anyway, there was this bar we kept going to called KGB's, which was an unofficial hangout for all the metalheads etc. On the last night we were in Bratislava, we thought we'd go there one last time.

A couple of shots of absinthe later (proper absinthe, they have no shame over there) we were fucking hammered. We thought we'd take a last tour of the city, so we went into town.

By this time, the booze had hit us and we were acting like drunken English yobs. We started running through the streets of Bratislava making lots of noise and bothering people.

The next minute, we run past a police car. We weren't gonna stop and wait for them to hassle us, so we just carried on running. We eventually came across this massive cathedral thing.

By this time, we were very tired from all the running about that we had been doing, so naturally, we thought we'd have a lie down. Everything was fine...

...then the same cop car showed up.

They ended up searching us, and luckily enough, the night before I'd told all my friends that they need to take their passports out with them everywhere they go - or I'd still be in fucking Bratislava.

Anyway, this is where it all went a bit hairy...

They began searching us to see if we were hiding any drugs etc. The first copper came up to me and he made a gesture that almost looked like he was pointing towards the floor...

I don't know what came over me and I can't explain my actions, but I bent down and put my hands on the ground with my arse stuck up in the air. My friend Paddy is terrible when it comes to laughing at awkward moments and he burst out laughing. I honestly thought I was gonna get shot in the face.


Anyway, after an extensive search, they gave us our passports back and let us go on our way, but I didn't escape the torment from my friends for the remainder of the holiday.


Sigh.

I would tell the story about the time I passed out whilst taking a shit in Calum from Amok's bathroom but, seeing as I can't remember most of it, I'll let him do it if he can be ringed.

Haha.

This story involves my introduction to Jager, bout 2 years back.

Went to Wacken, with the Nebs, ...after the festival we were back in Hamburg I think, i had to get a coach back with a few people, and I figured, peh, got a few hours to kill, and went wandering with donny.

Bought about 4/5 lil bottles of Jager.

Long story short ( because it's quite shit really)

I got fucking mullered, went in search of a kebab, got a nose bleed, stopped by the police twice, got really lost, missed the coach, had to pay $100 for a taxi to the airport.

What a right idiot

I like the way everyone's funny stories are party/alcohol related!!!

haha iains bathroom incident was a surreal night lol

My well embarrassing but funny story involves getting absolutly pished and then waking up in someones garden with no shoes, socks or trousers on. Then i walked up the road in my sexy y fronts and t shirt to meet fucking Lee Altus and Dave White from Heathen in the street. We then drank and listened to Bonded by Blood till 7 am. Was a strange night!

keith_amok wrote:haha iains bathroom incident was a surreal night lol

My well embarrassing but funny story involves getting absolutly pished and then waking up in someones garden with no shoes, socks or trousers on. Then i walked up the road in my sexy y fronts and t shirt to meet fucking Lee Altus and Dave White from Heathen in the street. We then drank and listened to Bonded by Blood till 7 am. Was a strange night!

Thats awesome!

go on caps, tell them the best thing! you're proudest moment as a human being!


basically i cant say anything, but STD_Caps may have the largest collection of unbelievable drunken stories known to man.

I don't know where to start... Jamie, what do you reckon the bus or the leg? Last New Years? I know I'll start with Boxing Day at Richards 2001.

Our friend Rich decided to have some friends over for Boxing Day. It was around this point I had discovered special brew but all I really know is it made your memory hazy. Shit, I got fucked. I had four tins of the stuff and downed a fair whack of bells and then made a call to my then girlfriend before feeling tired and going to bed.

Or not. Instead, with no recollection of the following events, I went back into the house and began shouting in all my friend's faces. I tried jumping on them and all sorts. So they got really pissed off with me and locked me in the caravan outside Richard's house. However, once they went to sleep in the caravan I started bugging them again and they threw me into the house. Now, Richard's mum was home this evening and had left us to our own devices and spent the evening in her bedroom. However, I was so obscenely loud she had to come out and have a look at me. I was trying to have a piss but I couldn't stand up straight and I was banging into things tying to pull my trousers down. In the end, my mate's mum had to help me go to the loo, pull my trousers up and put me in her son's bed.

That would do... But no. Instead, apparently, I took this as a hint and a minute later I stood up, went into her bedroom and snuggled up next to her! She took me back out of her bed and into Richard's where I finally conked out.

In the morning, she was kind enough to explain the whole ordeal. She was flattered really

The Story of Metal Iain Shitting Himself

Think is was about a year ago, i had a few mates round the house just to get horrendously drunk and listen to thrash. About 8 cans in we went to order food from the spice of death, the local kebab/arsemelting house. From then on Iain dissappeared. We did'nt think much of it at the time. However, around the time the food appeared, about 40 minutes later, we started having periodic wafts of unpleasantness down the hall way. Within minutes this smell grew and grew, untill i went to investigate. It was clear it was coming from the bathroom, and strangely, all i could see though the glass on the door was a large skin coloured blob. it was at this moment i knocked on the door to ask what was going on from which i got the reply in a strong east coast accent

'i think i might have shat myself eh! and i must have been rolling around in it coz its all over my clothes eh!'

at this moment i ran like hell to the living room, gasping for air from laughing so much and boking at the same time to tell everyone else. we then all went to have a look at the damage. Iain opened the door, there was shit on the radiator, top to bottom, on the toilet, in the toilet, on the bath, in the sink, on the walls and on the floor, i have never laughed so hard in my entire life, as well as being sick out the living room window from the smell. The worst was waking up incredibly hungover to the strong smell of human shit, and finding a pair of shit covered boxer shorts behind a plant pot. iain had also put his trousers in the sink as well as his fone and his ipod, and then put them into the dryer where the shit then became dry and encrusted hahaha

thats the funniest thing i have ever seen.

That's horrible.

Bwahaha! Thats awesome!

I'm sorry, but I draw the line at shit. If I found any of my friends in my bathroom covered in shit I would decapitate straight away.

Thankfully Calum and Keith and all the Amok crew are very understanding people!

That was such a funny night... from what I've been told. Hyder was running about in the garden naked and vomitted on himself. He was standing outside (still naked) taking a piss against the wall when the pizza guy turned up.



It was a horrid night for me though. All I remember is waking up and getting the overwhelming urge to vomit. I had to use every last ounce of my upper body strenth to puke into the sink before passing out again. The weird thing is that I'd had about half of what it would take to get me pissed, never mind to the stage where I pass out whilst taking a shit.

The worst part of the whole ordeal for me was that Calum's bathroom has a tiled floor so I had to spend ages scrubbing between tiles whilst using my jumper as a make-shift face mask.

God this is bringing back memories! The morning after, we all went for a McDonald's in Greg's and all the food nearly blew out of the window.

The worst part is, I didn't wash my trousers before getting on the train...

i have a shit story, i told some of the guys on here about it.

i was sitting in the car with my mum and this fat chick walked out of woolworths,she then pulled down her pants and took a shit in the doorway of woolworths

i think she really wanted to show people what she thinks about that shop