Hear about the two TV ariels that fell in love and got married?

The service was okay but the reception was brilliant!

Not as good as the moon one.

A woman was baking some muffins, and she puts all the ingredients together. Takes her time and makes sure every single muffin is perfect. She preheats the oven, and drinks a cup of coffee. She places the muffin batter into the oven after it preheats; After a few minutes, one muffin says to another, "Man, it's getting hot in here!" The muffin beside it replies, "AH!! A Muffin that talks!"

swizzlenuts wrote:A woman was baking some muffins, and she puts all the ingredients together. Takes her time and makes sure every single muffin is perfect. She preheats the oven, and drinks a cup of coffee. She places the muffin batter into the oven after it preheats; After a few minutes, one muffin says to another, "Man, it's getting hot in here!" The muffin beside it replies, "AH!! A Muffin that talks!"

I don't quite get that one, but the sausage variation of that joke is rather funny

\m/Steve\m/ wrote:

swizzlenuts wrote:A woman was baking some muffins, and she puts all the ingredients together. Takes her time and makes sure every single muffin is perfect. She preheats the oven, and drinks a cup of coffee. She places the muffin batter into the oven after it preheats; After a few minutes, one muffin says to another, "Man, it's getting hot in here!" The muffin beside it replies, "AH!! A Muffin that talks!"

I don't quite get that one, but the sausage variation of that joke is rather funny

A talking muffin shocked that there is a talking muffin? I really hope you were joking that you didn't get it.

A few musician-related ones:

Q: How do you know if a drummer's knocking on your door?
A: The knocking speeds up.

Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding bassist running around in your garden?
A: Stop laughing, reload and shoot again.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to drink beer until the room spins round.

Q: What do you say to a guitarist in a 3-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise..."

Q: How do you know when the stage is level?
A: The guitarist is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

Q: How do you get two drummers to play in time?
A: Shoot one.

Jokes are shite.

Real comedy comes off-the-cuff, but not in a stand-up situation.

Metal Iain wrote:Jokes are shite.

Real comedy comes off-the-cuff, but not in a stand-up situation.

I don't get it, you suck at jokes.

Stop me if you've heard this before.

Due to conjestion charging in London, the city bussiness types have had to find alternatives to the car for their travelling needs.

One resourcefull bussiness man uses his contacts in North Africa and gets a camel sent over, which he uses to ride to work everyday.

One morning he went out to the garden to fetch his camel and it had gone.

STOLEN!

Immediately he heads down the local nick to report this theft

When asked what colour it was he replied "i'm not sure, sort of a sandy grey ish type colour"

When asked what colour the eye's where the reply was a vague as the first.

When asked if it was male or female he replied "oh it's definately female 100%"

To which the copper ask's how he was so sure seeing as he was pretty vague about everything else in the description.

The man replied

"well everytime I would ride my camel into work people would shout LOOK AT THAT CUNT ON THAT CAMEL!"

i THANK YOU

Truly worthy of the thread title!!

what do drummers get on their IQ tests?

Saliva.




cheers.

Jamie... how do you stop a black man?

i nearly wrote that the other day but i had to stop myself... anyway... i don't know stu, how do you stop a black man?

Ask politely.

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

A pilot, you racist.