MartinC wrote:Mate...

radioactive rik wrote:speaking of farts,if you see in my first story in this thread,i find them funny to this day and always will,they are funny on 3 levels,1:the noises/sounds are the best,then 2;the smell,(already 2 assaults to the senses,to the ears and noses of yourself and others around you)then 3:the linger time(the longer and stronger it remains,the better,and more people it annoys)

anyway you saying about farting in bed to annoy her under the covers reminds me of another story.
i had an ex and she detested farting,that didnt stop me though.most of the time id fart in bed(sometimes one or multiple depending if we had had a good day or not ) and when she has a go at me id pretend to mumble/groan as if i was asleep and oblivious to it.when in fact i was facing the other way grinning and silently cracking up.(bit like on dumb and dumber when they give that guy the chillis in the burger and keep giggling)
anyway,one hot summer eve,i was bout to get in bed and she had the quilt wrapped tightly around her and wouldnt let me get in.
i said "stop messing around"and tried to grab my half of the quilt,but she said "please you cant get in yet".and i said "why the hell not?" but she wouldnt say so i had enough of her little games and yanked the cover off her and was hit with the most wrong,vile utter ghastly disgusting stink of which id never smelt anything like in my life...ever!

PART 2 cont...
i said "corrr thats really really bad trudi" and altough i was saying it light heartedly she got angry and said"i told you to just wait"and i said "you shoulda just explained in the first place,but hey dont worry,thats ma girl(tryna joke about it)" she then got upset and tearful(so i shut up),coz it was her first fart shed done in front of me and im glad she never did one before or after this brutal one.
for all the ones id ever done around her,it was like she was saving and brewing this ultimate bomb over the months we had been together.
female farts are just wrong;it wasnt veggie,it wasnt eggie,it wasnt meaty,it wasnt pre-shitty(usually the 4 classic fart smells)
it was something else undescribable,it had elements of egg and veg but the secret ingrediant of something gone off and rotting or like a dead animal.
so although farts are funny,female ones should be banned.no wonder they dont do them much.its not coz they are afraid of being unladylike its because they are unhumanly smelling.
it was what i refer to as"a ninja fart" silent but deadly

Metal Iain wrote:That never actually happened, did it Lev?

Lev - Pulverizer wrote:Atleast I've had sex Paul.

Metal Iain wrote:You've seen Trainspotting, haven't you?

thrashduck wrote:

Lev - Pulverizer wrote:Atleast I've had sex Paul.

Poor form.

Shit dick.

Lev - Pulverizer wrote:

Metal Iain wrote:You've seen Trainspotting, haven't you?

No.

radioactive rik wrote:coz it was her first fart shed done in front of me and im glad she never did one before or after this brutal one.