Joke Thread

by **oxfordrocks** on Sun Jul 15, 2007 8:41 pm

This morning on the way to work I rear-ended a car at some lights whilst not
really paying attention.
The driver got out.. he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy"...

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

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An Immortal fan and his missus are shopping in Lidl.

Missus: “ Hey, look at that. They’ve named a loaf after you!”

Immortal fan: “Where, what do you mean?”

Missus:” Oh sorry, my mistake. It says 'thick cut'”

:lol:

by **oxfordrocks** on Tue Jul 31, 2007 1:34 pm

There once was a young girl called Maddie
She had such an irresponsible daddy
Snatched from her bed
She's probably dead
Raped by a Portuguese baddy.

by **thrash metal maniac** on Tue Jul 31, 2007 6:49 pm

by **James** on Mon Aug 27, 2007 12:38 am

Not really worth its own thread, but I just saw a Facebook group celebrating Dr Karl Kennedy off Neighbours, and this list of comments gave me a few laughs:

DR. K FACTS:

1) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Dr. K.

2) Dr. K doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

3) Dr. K does not sleep. He waits.

4) Dr. K counted to infinity - twice.

5) When Dr. K does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

6) Dr. K doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

7) Dr. K can slam a revolving door.

8) Dr. K does not get frostbite. Dr. K bites frost.

9) Dr.K can touch MC Hammer.

10) Dr.K once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

I can't decide which is the best! I laughed out loud at a few of them.

by **The Fourth Norseman** on Mon Aug 27, 2007 12:49 am

those are just the generic chuck norris facts :lol:

Harold Bishop ftw anyway :dance:

by **thrashduck** on Mon Aug 27, 2007 2:58 am

Haha yeh I was gonna say... very Chuck Norris-y...

HAROLD! HAROLD BISHOP!

My favourite Neighbours storyline ever though was when Susan slipped over some milk and lost her memory - from that day forward, i realised that the phrase "there's no use crying over spilt milk" meant absolutely nothing.

by **Immortalicide** on Mon Aug 27, 2007 10:27 pm

thrashduck wrote:Haha yeh I was gonna say... very Chuck Norris-y...

HAROLD! HAROLD BISHOP!

My favourite Neighbours storyline ever though was when Susan slipped over some milk and lost her memory - from that day forward, i realised that the phrase "there's no use crying over spilt milk" meant absolutely nothing.

I think the one where Mrs Mangle got her tit stuck in a mangle was much much better!

by **Styxx** on Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:38 pm

The Fourth Norseman wrote:those are just the generic chuck norris facts

Harold Bishop ftw anyway

by **James** on Tue Aug 28, 2007 6:20 pm

thrashduck wrote:from that day forward, i realised that the phrase "there's no use crying over spilt milk" meant absolutely nothing.

Wouldn't be surprised if that's how they dreamt up that storyline as well!

Neighbours is so unrealistic, I hate it. That absurd clairvoyant guy who tried to get in Sky's pants by pretending to talk to Stingray. As if, for fucks sake.

Not that I closely follow and analyse the storyline of Neighbours.

by **thrashduck** on Tue Aug 28, 2007 7:40 pm

It's also incredibly incestuous - I mean they're all rodding each other, and some of them must be related... It's a big stinking pile of turd, it really is.

by **James** on Tue Aug 28, 2007 10:06 pm

Yeah, I hate how everyone knows each other on the street. And they all have the same Doctor, Karl!

Well, maybe they don't now, I've probably missed him moving on or something.

But still, it's pretty lame.